Ephesians 4: Good Words

1. I want to begin with a song from Patty Griffin. The Oregonian reporter who reviewed her August concert in Portland wrote – she has a voice so pure it would melt metal. "Long Ride Home" is her song about a 40 yr marriage. One of the spouses has just died. The living spouse is thinking about their marriage which death just ended –

one day I took your tiny hand
put your finger in the wedding band
daddy gave a piece of land
made ourselves the best of plans
40 years go by with someone laying in your bed
40 years of things you say you wished you’d never said
how hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare at the sky a turnin’ red

2. the nitty-gritty of a 40 year relationship. 40 years of
things said & not said. The power of words to both
inflict pain & heal pain. In marriage. In families. In friendships. In the church. The nitty-gritty of relationships.

Back to Ephesians 4
1. we’ve been slowly working our way through Ephesians 4. This is message #7. And today we wade into Paul’s teaching for how Christ-followers are treat one another. This is what it comes down to in community. This is how we will be known by others.

2. 4:25-32 is a picture of 4:22-24. When we put off our old self and put on our new self this (25-32) is what will emerge out of our actions, words, attitudes.

Truth: don’t tell lies; tell the truth (25)
1. truth matters to Paul in this chapter:
§ 4:15 – speak truth in love
§ 4:21 – truth that is in Jesus
§ 4:25 – speak truthfully to his neighbor
The opposite of truth is falsehood, literally “the lie.”

2. as Christ-followers we are to be honest people. People whose word can be trusted.

3. why? For we are all members of one body. The Message, In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself. Christian community is built on trust. Trust is built on truth. Falsehood & lies undermine Christian community. Truth, on the other hand, strengthens it.

4. this is a critical issue for leaders. It’s easy to become defensive. It’s easy to tell lies to protect yourself, hide your faults, hid your sins, make yourself look good at the expense of others.

5. I’ve had to go to people & confess that I lied to them. It’s humiliating. But it’s also liberating. Told any lies lately? Is there someone you need to go to & make things right?

Anger: don’t lose your temper; don’t let your anger endure (26-27)
1. there is such a thing as righteous anger:
§ Jesus got angry & ran the money-changers out of the temple
§ Martin Luther expressed his anger at the medieval Catholic Church for their skewing of the gospel message
§ William Wilberforce was angry at slavery in 19th century England & became an abolitionist
§ 25 years ago Francis Schaeffer was angered by what he saw as the cheapening of human life & wrote a book & made a film that addressed the issues of infanticide, abortion & euthanasia

2. but this is not the kind of anger Paul wrote about. Not anger over evil BUT anger toward people. Our boss, our husband, our mother, our pastor – you fill in the blank.

3. Paul is so practical. He leaves us 3 steps to address our anger at people:
§ do not sin – we have to make sure that our anger doesn’t come from injured pride, spite, malice, animosity or revenge
§ do not nurse your anger – in other words, don’t let it smolder. Don’t feed it. Don’t let it build up. ‘Never go to bed angry’ is a good rule, and is seldom more applicable than to a married couple, writes John Stott

When you think about it, anger is largely a self-centered emotion. It’s about us. We’re not getting what we want. The world is not what we wish it to be. My husband doesn’t understand me. My boss takes me for granted. The oil companies care more about lining their pockets with profits than about how much it costs me to drive into Portland everyday to work. Our anger says something about us.

§ don’t give the devil a place in your life – the word here for foothold means literally ‘a place.’ We can’t let anger take us residence in our lives. It infects. It mutates. It becomes the avenue the devil uses to cause us to sin even more

**The New King James – Jamie Netter & Anne Chambers**

Stealing – don’t steal; work & give (28)
1. this is a striking picture of conversion. The thief becomes a philanthropist. The one doing wrong to meet his own selfish needs – is now – to do right to meet not only his needs but the needs of others.

2. Klyne Snodgrass writes of this verse in his commentary, (4:28) ignites a bomb under our self-centered thinking. Our goal is productivity so that we can give. We do not exist for ourselves, but for relations with other people and with God.

3. the 2 richest men in the world – Warren Buffet & Bill Gates – were interviewed in Fortune magazine in October. Together the 2 of them are worth around $100 billion. Both of them feel that a tremendous responsibility comes with the wealth they’ve acquired. Both have plans to give away 99% of their money – Buffet after he dies & Gates is working on it right now. They are applying the truth of this verse whether they realize it or not.

4. our application of this truth has very little to do with income. This is a mindset that becomes ours as our old self gives way to our new self. We work. We strive to become productive. We become God-honoring stewards. We make sure the community benefits from our productivity.

5. this is what our weekly offering is all about. This is what the Miracle Sunday Offering is all about. And the Habitat for Humanity dinner/auction. And the benefit concert for Habitat for Humanity. And our weekly offering.

6. For the Christ-follower we all of us need to ask ourselves a question – when does satisfying our wants leave unsatisfied the needs of others? I agree with Snodgrass. This verse ignites a bomb underneath our greed.

Speech – don’t use destructive words; build others up (29)
1. now we go from hands to mouth. Our God speaks & like him we also speak. Our speech distinguishes us from animals – cows moo, dogs bark, pigs grunt, sheep bleat, lions roar, birds sing. But only humans speak words.

2. unwholesome words are not to be found among us. Unwholesome in Paul’s time referred to spoiled fish & rotten fruit. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth (Message).

3. 3 pointers for our speech:
§ our words are to build people up
§ address people’s needs
§ benefit others
Words are powerful. They mold & shape. They do good & evil. By them people’s lives are made or destroyed, found or lost.

4. how are you doing with your words? Building people up? Speaking into their needs? Make a positive difference in people’s lives?

Attitude – don’t be unkind & bitter; be kind & forgiving (31-32)
1. Paul starts us off with 6 unpleasant attitudes/actions. They are descriptive of what destroys human relationships. Instead of love, various expressions of hostility reign:
§ bitterness – hardness of heart, a sour spirit, sour speech, negative & cynical outlook, acidity disposition
§ rage & anger – these mean the same thing; outbursts of anger; anger directed at another person; personal attack
§ brawling – not physical violence but shouting, yelling, screaming at someone
§ slander – this is speaking bad or evil of someone, especially behind their backs; spreading gossip; tearing someone down; calling into question their character, reputation
§ malice – harboring grudges, simmering anger, public attack, wishing some kind of evil or setback for someone

2. what’s the operative word? Get rid of all this stuff! Back to 4:22f., - put off your old self & put on the new self. Stott, there is no place for any of these horrid things in the Christian community; they have to be totally rejected.

3. these things destroy marriages, families, friendships & churches. These things annihilate human beings. They are the nuclear threats to our love, unity & peace. They are terrorist attacks upon our mission to make a difference for Christ in our community & world.

In my 25 years of pastoring I’ve seen more
relationships shattered by these 6 things than I have
by alcohol, drugs, sexual immorality, greed or
gambling. The church has been guilty of crusading
against social evils while overlooking the evil
at work in their human, Christian hearts.

4. what’s the alternative? Putting on the new self, w/c is Christ’s self, w/c reflects the person of God:
§ be kind – a Greek word spelled almost like Christ; used by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount for God’s kindness toward the unrighteous (5:45). Means = be like Christ.
§ be compassionate – not bitter or angry or slanderous or poisoned by malice
§ be forgiving – literally ‘act in grace toward one another.’

5. our treatment of others is to be grounded in God’s treatment of us in Jesus Christ. The way God has treated me in my sin, my failure, my rebellion, my selfishness, my jealously is the way I am to treat you in yours – especially when you mistreat me.

6. the nitty-gritty of lying, anger, stealing, speech & attitude.

Holy Spirit – 30
1. to engage in any of these negative attitudes, words or actions of 4:25-32 is to grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Grieve means sorrow or pain or distress. God is a person & we can cause God grief & we do.

2. this is huge. I’m afraid we miss this in our failed human relationships. Ultimately, all this is about God, not us. When we fail each other we fail God. Anything we say or do that weakens the purity or unity of the church is a sin against the Holy Spirit.

3. confession & repentance are to start with God & go on to those we have hurt or mistreated.

4. 2 things in leaving:
§ 1st, if you have things you need to make right with God or people this week, do it. Don’t put it off. I’ve never had someone come to me & say – oh, boy, I wish I hadn’t asked forgiveness of ???...or made things right with ???...or taken the 1st step to heal my broken relationship with???

§ 2nd, we need to realize that on our own we can’t be Christ-like in our relationships. We can’t grind it out on good intentions. We need God. We need Jesus. We need the power of the Holy Spirit.

Listen to The Message (4:22-23) – everything – and I do mean everything – connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life – a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

**New Living Translation – Jeff Cook & Jeff Cook**