the Gospel of Mark: on the road with Jesus (31) “Marriage & Divorce”

Mark 10:1-12

Sermonizing is always a community experience. Every time I stand up to speak I’m indebted to a host of people whose books, articles & sermons I’ve consulted. Like today – John Piper, JC Ryle, David Garland, John Stott, David Atkinson. I owe them my thanks.

1. this October 15 my parents will celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary! My dad says that he can no longer remember when he wasn’t married. They’ve been married for as long as I’ve known them.

2. my dad grew up in a strong Christian family. His father died unexpectedly when his appendix burst on an elk hunting trip when he was only 49. His mother remarried & enjoyed a long marriage until her 2nd husband died.

3. in contrast, my mom’s parents divorced when she was 11 years old. Her dad left them – 5 kids – walked out of their lives. Her mother never remarried. Her dad went on to get married & divorced 6 more times. I only met him once. He was scary to a little kid – big, 6’ 4”, stared at me & didn’t talk.

4. my mom says that she never knew what love was till she met my dad & his family.

5. marriage, both for husbands, wives & their children, is the greatest human defining relationship of all. It holds potential for the greatest good and the greatest bad.

6. does Jesus have anything to say about marriage? About divorce? Yes, in Mark 10.
Mark 10:1-9: Jesus & the Pharisees
1. in v. 2 the Pharisees are testing him Jesus – is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

2. Jesus puts the question back to them in v. 3. What did Moses command you? What does the law say about this?

3. they reply in v. 4 that Moses permitted divorce if the husband would write his wife a certificate of divorce. This is a reference to Deuteronomy 24:1-4:
§ in Jewish history, in Jesus’ time, divorce was widespread & easily secured – Deut 24:1-4 was given to regulate an already existing practice
§ done for the protection of the wife – husband must give her a bill of divorce w/c protects her from any further action by the man
§ precise meaning of something indecent has been lost – 1 Jewish rabbi said it could mean something as insignificant as over-cooking or over-salting your husbands dinner

4. in v.5 Jesus responds that there is something greater going on here – It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law. In other words, the law that you use to justify your divorce & remarriage is not the desire of God’s heart but an accommodation to the hardness of your own heart.

5. or as John Stott says of divorce, it’s a Divine concession to human weakness.

6. starting with v. 6 Jesus goes all the way back to the beginning of creation. To God’s design for marriage.

7. 1st Genesis 1:27 – but at the beginning of creation God made them male & female. Behind the law, before the law is God’s original intent. The basis of marriage is God’s action, God’s design. God made humanity to be male & female. To be both like & unlike one another.

8. next he goes to Genesis 2:24 – for this reason [because God created us male & female with a design for marriage] a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one.

9. the leaving behind of father & mother, the becoming one flesh, the forming of a new family, is God’s idea of marriage.

10. Jesus follows this up in v. 9 with a declaration & a command – therefore what God has joined together (declaration), let no man separate (command).

11. the union of a man & a woman in marriage is something that God does no matter if God is acknowledged or not. As John Piper says in his comments on this passage, Marriage is something God does, not just man. Marriage is a work of God & gets its meaning from God.

12. to sum up Jesus teaching on marriage:
§ God designed it (Gen 1:27)
§ God described it (Gen 2:24)
§ God did it/does it (Mark 10:9)

Mark 10:10-12: Jesus & his disciples
1. Jesus & his disciples are behind closed doors. They ask the question again. Jesus answers in vs. 11-12.

2. v. 11 to the man who is thinking about divorcing his wife to marry another woman Jesus says, anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.

3. v. 12 to the woman who is thinking about leaving her husband for another man, and if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.

4. these are hard words to hear. So black & white. The question can be asked - doesn’t Jesus know that his words will hurt people who have been divorced & remarried? Doesn’t he care?

5. well Jesus knows. Jesus cares. There are few things in life more painful than the break-up of a marriage. Divorce is far more painful than the death of a spouse – divorce is a living death.

6. in fact, the word used for divorce is related to the word for cutting down trees or cutting off heads. A severing of what was once a living union. Divorce is a kind of amputation.

7. vs. 11-12 are not just a word of warning. They are meant to be words of prevention as well. For Jesus the essence of love is to help people live by God’s design, to live in sync with the original intent of creation.

8. If you can still turn back, turn back. If the marriage still has a 1% chance of being saved, don’t give up, go for it.

are there any biblical grounds for divorce & remarriage?
1. much has been written on this question. There are biblical grounds for divorce & remarriage in the case of…

2. unfaithfulness: when one’s spouse is guilty of sexual immorality & is unwilling to repent & be faithful – Matthew 5:32 & 19:9

3. desertion: when a Christ-follower is deserted by an unbelieving spouse – I Cor 7:12-15.

4. what about cases of abuse where life & health are seriously threatened – physical assault, verbal, emotional abuse, sexual perversion, uncontrolled rage, unethical behavior.

5. I counsel the innocent party to separate. Reconciliation is always the goal but is not always attained. In these kinds of situations, one needs great wisdom from God. One needs to rely upon biblical principles for dealing with hardships that may not be specifically addressed in Scripture.

6. with all serious marital disruptions, outside help is called for. Pastoral & marital counseling. Seeking biblical guidance. Finding emotional support. And prayers upon prayers upon prayers.

7. divorce should always be viewed as a last, last resort.

8. and when failure occurs, when marriages break-up, God’s grace is sufficient – to forgive, to heal, to restore.

Steps to strengthening marriages
1. I want to close by sharing 1 thing you can do to strengthen your marriage – memorize, practice & pray your marital vows.

2. to have & to hold from this day forward – you belong to each other & only to each other!

3. for better for worse – we have no idea what this will mean when we say “I do” to each other. No idea. To stay together through the good times & bad, the easy & difficult, darkness & light.

4. for richer for poorer – most couples argue about money & it doesn’t matter how much or how little you have. Money should not determine the success or failure of a marriage
5. in sickness and in health – again, we have no idea what this will mean when we get married. My brother-in-law John has taken care of my totally disabled sister, now, for 25 years. My dad is taking care of my mom. A few years ago Heather had to take care of me. One day I may have to take care of her. And that’s a marriage.

I have a friend in the Philippines whose sister was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident - paraplegic. Her husband went out & found a mistress & had 2 children with her. That’s not a marriage. And she forgave him. That’s a marriage.

6. to love & to cherish – the word that stops me in my tracks here is cherish. Value, prize, appreciate, treasure, hold dear. Easy to do in the first few weeks, months, maybe years. But it gets harder. But it’s not impossible.

7. till death do us part – this reflects God’s intention for marriage from creation. 1 man, 1 woman, 1 union. Till death do us part.

8. I have 3 goals for my life. Everything boils down to these 3 things. If they are in place when I die, I will have lived my life well.

1 – to love serve obey worship God my whole life long.

2 – to remain faithful to Heather & love her as Christ loves the church.

3 – to love my children, be a good example to them & not do or be anything that would turn them away from loving, serving, obeying & worshiping God with their lives

9. when I’m laying on my death bed, those are the only 3 things that will matter.